Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Part Duex....

I was conversing with my girlfriend this weekend, and told her I had many more people and/or things to add to my list. And because I am a spiteful bastard, here they are.

News Media - How has your week been? Swine flu? Remember that thing that was so much worse than the other things and maybe even the worst thing ever? Yeah neither do I. It's time to move on. You could have been informing us about things that actually matter. Instead we had people running around in surgical masks scared to go near a tenderloin. You know who still ate bacon? This guy.

FOX - Last Wednesday, you decided to not show the President's news conference because it would cut into your prime time lineup. Lie to Me? You have got to be kidding me. How arrogant can you be? I have an excerpt from that meeting.

White House Aide: I'm sorry networks, but President Obama would like to address the nation on Wednesday night, and would appreciate if you set aside an hour of your time to do your duty as a news service and inform the public

FOX Executive: Eff that, the people need more Tim Roth and Ryan Seacrest!

In a related post, I would rather let a live porcupine burrow near my testicles than watch an episode of American Idol. True Story.

Alex Rodriguez - A new book has been released that alleges he took steroids in High School. Wow. I guess you aren't going to the Hall of Fame. It must take a lot of energy to put up huge numbers, go to great lengths to prove you are not taking steroids, and then do them any ways. If I had to ballpark it, I would say these allegations are too high. A Mexican national told me last week, that he just injected steroids into his mother's womb in the second trimester.

MTV Movie Awards - I realize you are not a real awards show, but you need to at least try. The movie with the most nominations was Twilight. I know you need to play up to your demographic, but honestly this is a little much. Even people who loved the books thought the movie was bad. Joining in the best movie nominations, none other than High School Musical 3: Senior Year. I think they just throw things at a dart board. If the same panel chose the Academy Awards, White Chicks would have won for best make-up, and Norbit takes down best picture.

Jenny McCarthy - She received her own talk show this week. Wow, I lost my train of thought after writing that sentence. A former Playboy playmate and terrible actress has her own GD talk show? What's next, a janitor goes to work for NASA? And god only knows who her demographic is. Guys won't watch, because, well because it's a talk show and that is boring. And women won't watch because they know all of their men have seen her naked. This show will make Chevy Chase look like a genius.

I step away from the keyboard, and promise to bring something more uplifting next time.

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