Trip Down Memory Lane....

It is the last day of the year and, in my mind, the last year of the decade. It was a good run that saw myself start and graduate high school, start and graduate college, get a job, move to Minnesota, get engaged, and just all around be awesome. And as great as all that is, let us get to the most important part of the decade: TV Shows and Movies. I absolutely love them and from 1999-2009 there were some spectacular shows and cinematic experiences. I will preface my list by saying these are all shows and movies I have watched. It's not what anyone else will tell you. It is from Zach, which should mean more because my tastes are bizarre, yet should be followed like the gospel. Without further ado:

The best TV Shows from 1999 to the present:

10.) How I Met Your Mother (2005-Present)
9.) 24 (2001-Present)
8.) The Shield (2002-2008)
7.) Freaks and Geeks (1999)
6.) The Daily Show (1996-Present) *Did not hit its stride until the 2000 election season*
5.) The Wire (2002-2008)
4.) It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005-Present)
3.) The West Wing (1999-2006)
2.) Dexter (2006-Present)
1.) Six Feet Under (2001-2005)

My Apologies to: The Sopranos, The Colbert Report, Mad Men, Breaking Bad, Dirty Jobs


The best Movies from 1999 to the present:

10.) Good Night and Good Luck (2005)
9.) Casino Royale (2006)
8.) Wedding Crashers (2005)
7.) United 93 (2006)
6.) The Lookout (2007)
5.) Memento (2000)
4.) Children of Men (2006)
3.) Donnie Darko (2001)
2.) The Dark Knight (2008)
1.) The Departed (2006)

My Apologies to: Kill Bill Vol. 2, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, Almost Famous, Ratatouille, Anchorman, The Hangover

And with that we have a rundown of the media from the decade. I can only hope that the next ten years give me the chance to do the same thing. And that is talk about the fantastic experiences that help distract us from real life.

And boom goes the dynamite....

I started my new job this week and so far I give it a mild "meh." It's the usual stuff on a first week, which as everyone knows is pretty damn boring. You fill out paperwork and meet new people, but it usually takes awhile to get down to the nitty gritty. Hopefully that will kick in a little more this week, but with a three-day holiday week, who knows.

I have truly given up on football because the Bears are god-awful. I realized today they have the same record as the Raiders. And with that thought my mind started to drift towards a land of gumdrops and little midgets who swim in chocolate rivers. They are seriously an awful team. Their defense and offensive line are aging and there is not a lot to do about it. They have no draft picks next year and it is real tough to rebuild via free agency alone. I would like to see them make a run at some high profile guys in the off-season because they have loads of cap room. Should the coaches be fired? Maybe. I would personally hang on to Lovie Smith, based on the fact that the players love him and it would cost an arm and a leg to fire him, pay him the money he is owed, and then hire a new guy. I honestly think they need to focus on fundamentals and not have giant expectations coming into next year. Seriously, I would consider an 8-8 record next year a big accomplishment.

Speaking of awful teams, the Cubs traded malcontent Milton Bradley this week. Personally, I think it is a bad move because they got absolute dick in return. They traded a hothead and injury prone guy for Carlos Silva, an under 500, fat ass pitcher. Personally, I think both of them should be killed and then the world would be a better place. So the Cubs solve that problem, but still have many holes to fill. they need to shred payroll and unfortunately that is real tough to do. It makes me cringe that about 9 of their players combine for 90% of their payroll. They need a second baseman, center fielder, and a lead off hitter.

My analysis: They already have a lead off hitter in Kosuke Fukudome. He bats around 300 in the spot, gets on base, and plays an awesome right field in a very tough stadium. Move Ryan Theriot to second, where he can actually throw the ball to first base. Then you bring up Starlin Castro to play at shortstop. The Brewers proved last year you can bring up a rookie who flashes leather and then you can hide him in the batting order. Lastly, I have no clue about center field. It is a crap shoot. My lineup on opening day: Fukudome, Theriot, Lee, Ramirez, Soriano, Soto, Center fielder, Castro, Pitcher. There it is. See how easy it is to be a General Manager.

Lastly, big ups to UW-Whitewater as the football team won their second national championship in three years. Some say this is the best team they have had out of all five. I agree to disagree (along with the highly esteemed Jeff Boll). I honestly think the second team they had with Jacobs, Beaver, Stanley, Borzick, Kleppe, Raebel, Farley, etc., was the best of the bunch. And they didn't even win the title (GAAAAAAAAAAARCON!!!!!!!!!!!). But none the less, as an alum and big sports fan, that program knows how to do it. Whether it be football, basketball, volleyball, baseball, track, etc., they all bring it. Coaching, facilities, and players all have something to do with it, and everyone who goes there or is affiliated in any way should be very proud. The campus of UW-Whitewater has had something special brewing for the last decade or so.

What a blur....

Seriously, my emotions are spent. It has been a great week and many things have happened. So in a pre-tv show recap, here is the week that was.

Saturday- My birthday started with a lunch date with Jeffrey. That's right I called lunch with a dude a date, big deal, want to fight? We enjoyed the usual laughs and had a good time watching the third amigo, Lane, announcing the UWW football game. It was fantastic and kudos to The Park Tavern for the best damn potato skins I have ever eaten.

Wednesday- Received word that I was in the running for a final job at Clear Channel. I needed to go in on Friday to meet with their sales people and do one last pseudo-interview.

Friday- Went to said interview and really tanked it. I was just in a funk and thrown by having to meet with 11 people instead of 4. Needless to say, I was not pleased with my performance. Downtrodden, I went home and waited until they called to inform me of their decision. Kristi came home and I finally got the call at 4:30. It was a good call and I was selected and had the job. Big news, good news. We ate some food and got ready to go to our charity ball at her school. We got ready to leave at 730ish and that is when I took her hand and asked her to marry me. After a dubious pause and a couple Vitale-esque "Are you Seriouses?" she said yes and there was much rejoicing. Bigger news, more important news. We took pictures and then went off to the ball where we stayed for just an hour before coming back home. Went to bed, because it was a hell of a day emotionally.

Saturday- We went to the Mall of America for some Christmas shopping and just to get out. Discussed wedding things, not too in-depth but just talking. We then went to dinner at Nick's place and had some delicious treats. Steaks wrapped in bacon should be on every menu in America. We then went to a comedy show about the holiday season. Very funny, but a little long and once we got home at 1 AM, we once again collapsed into bed.

Sunday- Got to be bums for awhile and just hang out and chat while watching some TV. Only the Vikings game was on local TV. That's right their two biggest rivals, the Packers and Bears, were playing each other and they were not carrying the game. Instead I was treated to the holiday classic, Jingle all the Way. "Drop zee Turbo man doll!" We later went to the Holidazzle parade downtown, because what better way to spend a day that never hits 8 degrees but outside watching lit floats. We went out to eat afterwords and it was delicious. They had a mystery beer for $2 and I gave it a whirl. They bring out a can of Milwaukee's Best, and in my head the little people are dancing. We wound down and once again were absolutely bushed.

So there it is. The play-by-play to a hectic ass week with truly awesome moments. I will blog a little later this week once I start the new job, and hopefully it will not be this heavy.

So who didn't he sleep with?

That is the question I ask myself about Tiger Woods. The count is up to 6 women saying they all had "transgressions" with Eldrick. Side note: Transgressions is the strangest word when it comes to fooling around. I thought "bumping uglies" or "naked sideways bonanza" were bad, "transgressions" is just weird.

I don't really see what the big deal is all about. I have said it time and time again, if you are in a relationship with an athlete, actor, musician, etc., it is going to happen. At some point they will either slip up, or in Tiger's case, just not care and do as they please. When you are a status symbol, women or men will throw themselves at you and you have to do nothing. Wilt Chamberlain reportedly slept with 20,000 women. Mick Jagger woke up in a bed with 3 chicks and David Bowie. It is bound to happen, and as soon as the rest of the world figures that out we will all be better.

Is is terrible for their kids and other family members? Absolutely. But we need to let them handle it and figure it out. And I will say it again. If you have that much money, whether you are male or female, get a pre-nup. It may sound cold and not be loving, but it is by far the smartest way to avoid any weird situations.

And lastly I watched SNL this weekend and the skit with Tiger Woods was marginally funny. Just jokes about Elin beating up Tiger. But of course someone gets offended because America is full of idiots. Certain groups were claiming it was not funny and was making light of domestic violence victims. Really? I call shenanigans. What about the jokes about O.J.? Is murder funny? No not really, but jokes about it are. So seriously get off your high horses people.

More posts to come. I will be around more often to make jokes for my 3 followers.

Friday Morning Musings....

Why hello Mr. blog. Yeah, I haven't been around for awhile, things got good and busy. I finished up my final days at the old job and last Sunday packed up my things and headed on up to Minneapolis. I will definitely miss being in Wisconsin, but, as cheesy as it sounds, it was my time to go. Saying goodbye to my family was hard, and even invoked tears from my mother which was way out of the ordinary. I was not expecting that response from her. But we hugged, and she said she was really happy for me, and I greatly appreciated that.

So now I am a resident of Minnesota and living with Kristi and her sister. It's obviously been an adjustment period, but things are going very well. I pass the time by looking for jobs, futzing around the place, and playing with the puppy. However, on the job front I did have an interview yesterday with Clear Channel. I would be filing a brand new position and would be an assistant to three of their top sales people. They bring in a lot of cash, have huge clients, and six radio stations. So it is definitely a big step up, and one I am ready for. The interview went well, and hopefully I will get called for a second interview on Monday.

So until then I am just hanging out and look forward to the weekend. And I will most likely have more updates now that things have settled down a little.

The Audacity...

People are insane. Actually, I'll retract that statement. When people do not have the appropriate knowledge of a situation they act insane. I know when I act like a loony it's usually because I do not completely understand something. But people have been calling the radio station lately and have just been nuts. We play the usual screwballs on our news station like Sean Hannity, and his followers are faithful. At least that's the best adjective I will apply to them. But we seriously get politically related calls 3 times a day, and yours truly gets to answer them.

Recently we had a gentleman call up during a segment with our news director. A little background, our news director is a liberal and so was his guest. His guest happened to be a dean at UW-Whitewater, a liberal, and as far as I can tell, an all around good guy. I have no clue what they were talking about. But the guy who called up was not pleased. The first thing out of his mouth was, "What's the name of this idiot on your station?" I was taken aback and explained it was a debate program and he was a faculty member from a university and so on and so forth. This guy was a gunslinger and had barbs ready to come back. "Well let me ask you this, don't you have to not be a moron to work for a university?" And here's where I stepped in and said, "Sir, if you would like to file a complaint I will send you through to the news director's voice mail." He complied and I was done with him.

If I was not a mild mannered professional I would have said, "Look here dip shit, the man is a dean at a university. You may not agree with what he says, but he is not a moron. I guaran-damn-tee he has more schooling than your entire family and is one of the most knowledgeable people in this area." I just don't get people some times and I guess it comes with the territory of working at a radio station. At least once a day, I have to listen to someone piss vinegar about something somebody said on our stations. I'm sorry. I'm a dude who answers the phone and tries to be cheerful until you call and poop in my lasagna.

So seriously people get over yourselves. You want to complain that's fine. But at least have some tact when you do it.

Runnin' This Town Tonight....

I finally feel kinda sort of like an actual adult. I'm moving out, just like in Anthony's Song. I'm paying for stuff and putting on the big boy pants. Kinda sucks, but I'll deal.

But I think insurance is a huge fraud, and this is coming from someone who knows how it works and had a parent in the business. My car insurance has gone up and I had no accidents, no problems. WTF mate? And the magic number is 25 and that is when your insurance starts to go down. Why 25? I guess they think you are adult enough at 25 to settle down and move away from your immature ways. Well when I'm 25, I am still going to laugh at fart jokes and make fun of people. I'll show them maturity.

Job searching is rolling on and not paying much dividends. Oh well, something will come my way and when it does I'll knock their socks off. Until then I plan on sitting on the couch in nothing but socks.

The World Series starts tomorrow night. I wish Bob Costas did the games like the early 90's. Then they would be enjoyable. I would rather be violated with a pool cue than hear Joe Buck and Tim McCarver talk about America's pastime. A long and splintered pool cue for that matter.

It's the opening night of high school football playoffs and I will be in Jefferson. I'll be broadcasting what could be my final high school game. WEIRD. Oh well, it's been a hell of a run and I am ready to move on.

The Idiot Box....

I should really look up where that nickname came from for the television. I love TV. I love the fact that you can sit down in your home and watch whatever tickles your fancy. And I love what has become of it, in the way of modernization. There are shows for everybody. Even for me. And a lot of my shows fall under the creepy, killer, suspense, comedy with dick and poop joke variety. No easy task. So let's follow down the rabbit hole and take a look at shows I watch on a regular basis.

Monday - I watch How I Met Your Mother and The Big Bang Theory. I rarely watch anything on network TV anymore, but these two defy that and are really staples for any comedy lover. HIMYM is like Friends, if Friends was less whiny and more awesome. And TBBT is funny with sterotype jokes, which I love.

Tuesday, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday - Absolutely nothing. Not even on cable. On occasion I watch Dirty Jobs on Tuesdays because Mike Rowe is a BA. I mean the guy worked as a high-rise window washer in Hawaii for a day. He was 400 feet in the air and repelled down a building in 30 mph winds. The man has stones the size of grapefruits. As I watched, I wanted to dry-heave while I was sitting on the couch.

Wednesday - It's all about Nip/Tuck on FX, or as I like to call it, the most consistent cable network. They have at least 3 other shows I should be watching, but Nip/Tuck is what I do view. It's on the downhill slide in it's final two seasons. But it's still as bat-shit crazy as ever. Nudity, drugs, violence, Mario Lopez making a penis mold. It has it all. And oh yeah soundtrack is bad ass when they do their surgeries. Last night's choice music, Gary Jules' version of Mad World. Or as it's better known, music that makes you poop yourself because it's so creepy.

Thursday - In college Thursday was the best night for drinking, and now that I am not in school and lame, it is the best night for television. Community is awfully good on NBC. Love me some Joel McHale and the rest of the cast is solid. It's goofy and rather predictable, but I am a sucker for sarcastic leading characters. It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia is my favorite show and it should be yours too. They tackle every polarizing issue like abortion, rape, gas prices, and economy all in good fun. And then they make a show about a guy pooping in a bed and have it be a mystery. Genius comes in all forms, and IASIP is at the top of the class. And now a special mention for The League on FX starting next Thursday. I have no idea how you make an entire show about a group of friends playing fantasy football, but the promos look awesome. And we would all be lying if we said we didn't think about fantasy football in weird locales like the promos show (i.e. during sex, at a funeral). So keep your head on a swivel for that new show.

Lastly, but not leastly, I watch Dexter but only on DVD. I am not fortunate enough to have Showtime, so I part with $30 bucks every August when the season comes out. It's perfect television and Michael C. Hall is the best actor on TV. And if you don't agree that's too damn bad.

Well this was an exercise in writing about what I like. I hope you like them too, otherwise we can't be friends anymore.

When I'm sad, I stop being sad and start being awesome...

The cat is out of the bag at work and everyone knows I am leaving for the Twin Cities. Telling people went better than I expected and it seems like everyone is okay with it, and I certainly am happy about the decision. But I do want to kick the old woman in her carotid artery for her stupid ass comments. I make comments about everyone, but everyone knows that's my MO. She is just a bitch about it. Case in point for my story time.

At a meeting this week our General Manager told everyone I was leaving and whatnot. He had nothing but good things to say and I was pleased. He finished up and the first thing out of her mouth was, "Yeah, he's going to live in sin with his girlfriend." I was absolutely floored that she said that in front of everyone. I shrugged it off, until three other co-workers came up and said she was out of line. So it's good to know other people have my back. Seriously, I hate her and I don't care about her grandchildren or her 6 kids. Yes, I realize it was a different time, but it's no real reason to treat your uterus like a clown car. Close it up or use a condom, it's not that tough of a concept.

In unrelated news, Monday is starting to rival Thursday for funniest night on television. How I Met Your Mother has always been on my radar, but it's even better this year. I absolutely love me some Jason Segel. Everything he has been in TV or movie wise has been absolute gold. And what can you say about NPH. The man is a god, a myth, and a legend at the same time. And after fighting it, I am now watching The Big Bang Theory regularly. I fought it mainly because my dad watches it and said it was the funniest show on TV. And I take my dad's funny opinion with a grain or should I say a metric ton of salt. But, alas, the show is funny and enjoyable. Proving once again the age old equation that: nerds + hot girl + Indian and Jewish stereotypes = hilarious.

The Definitive Hate Post....

Ah Britt Far, how I despise you. I give you and your team credit because you won your game last night. You played a near flawless game, and for that should be congratulated. Your defense (despite giving up 23 points) was ridiculous and made the packers look slow and old. Let's be serious, the Packers offensive lineman go down quicker than Mackenzie Phillips on take your daughter to work day. However, that's the only amount of credit I will give you.

Britt, you are a doucheclown. Everyone says you love the game and that's why you play. False. If you loved the game, you wouldn't of held out of training camp like a baby. You would have taken off your skirt, found your testicles and done what a man does, go to work. Instead, you skipped all the off-season stuff because you didn't want to tire yourself out. And I can understand, because all those sessions of hot butt sex with ESPN's announcers really tuckers a guy out. So you skipped everything in the off season so you wouldn't have to put in the actual work. AND THEN you have the audacity to claim you're not on the same page yet with your receivers. You know how you get on the same page. By showing up to work on time and by practicing.

"He's just a guy playing the game," was said 8,000 times on the broadcast last night. I counted. And if I'm not mistaken, they are all just guys playing games. So the Favre love has to stop. The man is mortal, and for that matter old and rundown. Sure he had a great game, but lets take a look at who the Viqueens have beaten. Cleveland, Detroit, San Francisco, and Green Bay. So you have beaten two teams that may be in the playoff hunt, one of which was pulled so far out of Britt's ass he found one of Richard Gere's gerbils, and two that are considered Arena League teams. Play somebody that matters. They have a stretch against Baltimore, and then at Pittsburgh, and at Green Bay. Can you say 0-3 during those games.

And finally, I am sick of the everyman label put on Favre. "He's having fun out there," the teat sucklers will say. Well of course he is. He is making 12 million bucks to throw the ball 20 times a game and hand off to the league's best player. Hell, I would bathe in lighter fluid while smoking a cigar for $12 million. So let's stop with the nonsense.

I love the fact that I hated Britt well before everyone else. Sure, it's because I was jealous, but also the hint of doucheiness that was around when he walked in a room. Had his own locker room, never really was a friend or befriended by any of his teammates. Always looking out for #1. So yeah I guess that means he is an everyman. As long as everyman is an arrogant prick.

Unbelievable....

Once again I came here with the full intent of discussing this week in football, but something has gone and pissed me off, so it gets first treatment.

People taking long lunches makes me angry. First, I have to be on-air from 12 to 1 so I really don't get a true lunch. I eat while I work or peruse the Internet and thus don't go out. Ever. Because I can't. However, two women I work with (let's call them dumb shit and shit stain) go out to lunch all the time. And when they do, they really make it count. Today it was 2 hours and 5 minutes. That's right I clocked it. You know why, because while they are away I have to answer phones and take care of all the administrative duties. I would care less if I was out having lunch or laughing at pictures of cats in dresses, but I'm not. I'm doing their work. And I call bullshit. The only real question is do I go to them and call them on it, or just go to my boss and let him in on their lunchtime shenanigans.

It's not the biggest moral dilemma ever, but one I think he still needs to know about. If they were off having lunch and it had no consequence on me, I wouldn't care. Hell, they could go set a special-needs school on fire for all I care. But it affects me, and I've had enough. I am quitting my job soon anyways, so is there a real need to be nice about it? I'm not sure. But one thing is for certain, if they go out for lunch again I am sticking a banana in their tailpipe.

A New Record.....

I set a new record with this post, two consecutive days of the shenanigans from my head. If I had enough ambition I would try to be a professional blogger, because giving your opinions while sitting in your underpants is a lot cooler than choking them down while sitting in an office.

Before I get to my real topic of the day, let's take a trip on the crazy train express known only as the tangents in my head. I heard a person cough today, and I for whatever reason said "bless you." I kind of thought it was a sneeze, but I just said it anyways. And here is what transpired next. They had the audacity to respond, "I coughed. That was not a sneeze. You only say bless you after a sneeze." I was floored. First off, who the eff are you to tell me whether I can say "bless you" or not. I'm being nice, I don't have to be. I could say, "Stop coughing you douche." I was nice, and I think it takes quite a bit to chastise somebody for giving a pseudo-compliment.

Secondly, who decided that it was only acceptable to say "bless you" after a sneeze. Is it the whole sneeze stops your heart thing? Because that is ludicrous. Is it because a sneeze is involuntary? Because that is dumb. You can't control coughs, just like you can't control sneezing. So from here out I'm saying something when people cough. It may not be bless you, but I will acknowledge it. So take that Mr. Man, you can't hold me down.

My real thought was that this nonsense over the SNL f-bomb needs to stop. So she said it, big deal. The sketch had the words frickin' and freakin' at least 100 times in 3 minutes. She slipped up once because it was bound to happen. I blame the writers for coming up with it because any human person if you have them say frickin' 100 times is going to say the gold standard at least once. They should feel fortunate that she only said it once. And it's not that big a deal, because words do not pollute the minds of children. Adults pollute the minds of children with their radical ideas and need to censor their kids from everything.

So people need to back off and embrace f-bombs on live TV, because they are hilarious. I was watching the show, and as always laughed when it was said. Just as I did when Lee Corso yelled it for some reason on College Gameday. It's always funny, especially when it's that news guy in New York. Remember America, keep fuckin' that chicken.

Too Much Good Stuff....

This weekend has given me fodder for an entire week of rambling and yelling. And to that I say thank you Mr. Weekend.

I rented two movies this weekend and watched them by myself, because I'm awesome. The first was Vanilla Sky, which was quite possibly the most bizarre thing I have ever watched. A bunch of dream sequences interspersed with real life and then more dream and more life. However, the performances were decent, including Cameron Diaz (that's right I said it!). She was utterly terrifying as a stalker turned psycho. And proof once again that you never, ever cheat on a woman, because she will most definitely put you in a coma. Kudos as well to Jason Lee, who played the best friend. Guy can flat out act, and I wish he did more serious movies. Instead he does Alvin & the Chipmunks 3: Simon has Rabies.

The second film was Insomnia, which despite having Al Pacino and being directed by Christopher Nolan, I had never seen. It was pretty standard, nothing too special so I was a tad disappointed. However, Robin Williams was the supposed bad guy and didn't show up until mid way through the movie. Yet, he was billed as second star. If you have a movie like this don't tell me he's in it, because I most certainly know he is the bad guy since I haven't seen him yet. More movies need to be like Seven and do the whole Kevin Spacey mind effer thing.

Needless to say, I was a little spooked from being home alone in a house and watching these two movies in the dark. And there was a car parked outside the house from 9 to 11 PM with no one in it. I checked again, because I was sure it was Cameron Diaz looking to kill me, and it was gone. I was creeped out and like a little child, I grabbed my baseball bat from the garage and had it in my room as I slept. And that's when I was robbed and beaten. Just kidding, but seriously, I am a little girl.

And it is that nature that is preventing me from seeing Paranormal Activity at Eastgate this week. It's supposed to be freaky, and only cost $11,000 to make. Paramount has put it out on only 12 screens and one happens to be 5 minutes from my house. So I want to check it out, but will not go by myself. Reasons being:
1.) I don't want to look like a weirdo
2.) I don't want to look like a no-friend having loser
3.) If I am going to soil myself in public I would rather have a friend make fun of me than a stranger. So if I see it you will get a recap.

I have plenty of ammo on Saturday Night Live, this week in the NFL, and new television. These will all be shared at later dates this week.

Keep on Keepin' on....

I was up in Minneapolis this weekend, and I think the prospect of moving has finally hit me. I mean, I've been preparing and getting ready. But, I actually took things I own up this weekend and moved them into their place. I really like the place and how it's put together and where my stuff now fits in. I look forward to an impending move and am excited. On the other hand I am terrified, but only with the job hunting part. The being with the one I love and care about part will be really easy.

Didn't watch the Emmy's on Sunday, but from what I hear NPH was awesome. Not that I needed any validation because I already knew he was fantastic. For a gay man, he plays an unbelievably convincing womanizer. And seriously enough with 30 Rock and Mad Men. 30 Rock is not that funny. Tina Fey is a great impressionist and writer. But she is not a great actor, when will people learn this. And I am biased because I believe Dexter is the best show on TV. But holy hell, when is Michael C. Hall going to win an award? He has 4 Emmy nominations between two shows in a category that is nearly impossible to get nominated in. The man deserves a statue.

Baseball season winds down and football season kicks in. The Cubs blow. That description would work for 85 percent of all their seasons ever (Zach cries). But the Bears have hope. It rides on the insulin shocked shoulder of Colonel PoutyPants, but that is better than the Jack Daniels stained shirt of Drunky McNeckbeard. Suffice to say, I am excited for the Bears season, especially after a win over the Steelers.

The Weekly Round-up....

Man, pop culture, isn't it grand? It gives morons like me so much to talk about, and in the end none of it truly matters. So here are some deep thoughts on who is in the news.

Kanye West - This guy will never go away. He has done stupid things in the past and he will do stupid things in the future. He was super drunk at the MTV awards show and cut off Taylor Swift. Which only would have been better had he cut her off while she was singing. It's been blown out of proportion, just like all his other outbursts. So get over it and try to understand the truly bizarre thing of that evening. Why was MTV awarding statues for videos it never shows and knows nothing about. That would be like having the Noble Peace Prize ceremony held at my house and hosted by Big Bird.

Patrick Swayze - The Hollywood wheel of death 2009 continues to go around and this one came as no surprise. Swayze was flat-out awesome. Road House remains one of the coolest movies of the 1980's and Donnie Darko, as most of you know, is one of my all-time favorites. Not to mention him starring in the funniest SNL sketch of the 90's. I will ever have embedded in my brain the images of him and Farley doing the Chippendale's dance off. "After a long and tough deliberation, we're going to go with Adrian," is still one of the funniest things they have done. So RIP, and my deepest condolences to your family and friends.

NFL Football - It's back, plain and simple. The Bears had a truly shit-kicker week. 4 picks by the new QB and the heart of the defense goes down on Week 1. Ouch. Either way, the NFL both sports wise and production wise blows every other sport off the water. And that will become truly apparent when the collective bargaining agreement ends and there is a work stoppage next year.

The Box Office - What is the matter with the general public? Why do they go see terrible movies? Are people really so stupid that they enjoy seeing a movie about a mall cop? Or a horror movie about an escalator that eats people? Or another GD Tyler Perry movie about family values with cross-dressing 6 foot 6 black dudes? I mean seriously, I have my guilty pleasures, but damn The Final Destination has to be atrocious.

And that my friends is the weekly wrap-up. And oh yeah this marks the first week of new TV, and Thursday is going to be my sit around in my diaper day as comedy shows make me poop myself. Community with Joel McHale and Chevy Effing Chase on NBC at 8:30 and It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia on FX at 9. Watch both of these. You will thank me on Friday.

Honestly, This is Our Government?

And that title comes from someone who considers themself a democrat and a through and through liberal thinker. I watched President Obama speak about Health Care Reform last night and once again come away very confused. I'm still not sure what the plan is, but in my opinion it needs to get done. I realize opponents of the bill talk about how it will be bad for people and result in big government. I for one think that is false. I honestly think they have the people's best interest in their hearts.

I have private health care coverage, and guess what, it's not that great. I got a bill recently from the dentist after having a shit load of work done. It totaled $2,800. You know how much came out of my pocket? $1,400 of that. And there is still a bill outstanding. So through my private health care that I pay a portion to every pay period, they give me $1,000 worth of coverage per year. Now I don't look a gift horse in the mouth, because $1,000 is great. But for someone like myself it kinda hurts to write a check for $1,400. So, in conclusion health care is expensive, but my story about private coverage shows that in certain situations it's not that great either.

All in all one thing stuck with me last night. The President said no one should ever have to look at a sick child, or sister, or parent and tell them there is something that could help them, but they just can't afford it. I know we can't agree on much, but human decency should be at the top of the list.

Random thoughts from watching President Obama's Speech:

1.) Guy who shouted, "You Lie!!!" after the President made a point should immediately be removed from his office. Turns out it was Rep. Joe Wilson, a Republican from South Carolina. I understand that people disagree in our congress, but there is no place for that. It's insubordination and talking back to your boss. Turns out his ultimate boss is the President. He should be removed from office and then sentenced to some hellish job, or just go back to living in South Carolina. Boom!

2.) Nancy Pelosi looks like Joan Rivers on a good day. Her face has been lifted more times than a Kirstie Alley milkshake mug.

3.) We need more diversity in Congress. It's just old white dude after old white dude. More women would be good for the country and our overall morale. But dear god, no more pants suits. Someone needs to tell Hillary Clinton that you only wear pant suits if you are a 6 foot 5 woman. It's called a sweater, invest in them.

Serious Talk....

I realize that I spend most of my time throughout a day making fun of people or snapping off snarky comments. However, there is a side of me that touches on serious things and this is one of those times.

Kristi's Aunt passed away this past week and I was at home with her family. I helped out with as much as I could considering everything that her family had to deal with. It was an extremely sad time. She was only 51, and despite not having a huge impact on my life, she most definitely did on Kristi and every other member of her extended family.

I really haven't had anyone too close to me pass away except for one grandfather. And as sad as that was, he was very sick and in his late 70's, so it was expected. This women, though being extremely sick, was just entering the prime of her life and now will not be around to see her three daughters grow up. I have no idea why people die at a young age, but it isn't fair. I wish her family the best and some sort of consolation during their time of grief.

I've known people who have lost close family members, and they told me it sucks more than you could ever imagine. And after hearing that one of my first thoughts was, "How can I help in their time of need?"

I've realized that you really can't make anything physically better. But, you can be there for them whether they need a cry or a laugh. Because ultimately people just need to know they are loved and cared about. I think I did a good job these past few days being that shoulder to lean on, and though the situation was not fun at all, I think I came out of it a better person.

I don't really have a point to all of this rambling except this. If you consider someone a friend, be there for them in their time of need. It will mean the world to them and most likely, when something goes down in your life they will be there for you. It's not the greatest situation to be in, but it goes along way in helping the healing process.

I Hope I Don't Get Dumber....

Well, I get two of my wisdom teeth removed today, and I am utterly terrified of the procedure. All four are through the gums and the correct place. They just have to numb me up and take them out. I've got cavities that need to be filled as well. So two come out today, and two next Wednesday. Wish me luck, and hopefully I won't cry in the office today.

Passing Judgement....

There are things that everyone hates. Plain and simple no bones about it. But as soon as you start hating a person you are viewed as passing judgement. And you know what, I really have no problem with that. Especially when it comes to celebrities. So here goes, Zach's most hated celebrities of 2009 from 5 to 1.

5.) Cameron Diaz - She just makes terrible movies and I'm sick of it. Last time I enjoyed one of her films was There's Something About Mary. And I liked it despite her. Honestly, look at her resume, what jumps at you. Animated films with her voice in them. I hear that's tough acting. The hardest part for me would be not punching Eddie Murphy in the face while I was in the studio with him.

4.) Katherine Heigl - I plain and simple can't stand her. One of my biggest pet peeves is someone who doesn't give credit where credit is due. She called out Judd Apatow saying he is sexist towards women in his films. Remind you this was after she starred in Knocked Up and her star status skyrocketed. Then she won an Emmy for Grey's Anatomy. And then withdrew her name the following year saying the writers didn't give her quote "Emmy material to work with." If she was a guy I would say look at the balls on this one. There is nothing wrong with being a dominant woman in Hollywood. Oprah did it, Ellen DeGeneres is doing it. Difference is they don't throw people under the bus while driving it.

3.) Sacha Baron Cohen - In light of looking like a misogynist, I would like to point out that I hate male celebrities too. This guy is near the top. I think he's funny and I think his movies are funny. Uncomfortable and albeit funny. But seriously man, not everyone needs to see you in character every damn day. The guy promotes his movies as the characters and it drives me nuts. I didn't see Denzel Washington go on The View as Alonso from Training Day and start capping old ladies. The sad thing is he is a truly funny guy. I saw him on Letterman promoting Bruno and he was charming, eccentric, and a little shy. More of that please.

2.) Jeremy Piven - This no talent hack has been the toast of Hollywood for a while now and I gotta say, I'm not impressed. He's been around forever, made some good movies, and now has a persona. He is Ari Gold, which is good if you like his show or his style. I do not. I find Entourage to be the most self-serving piece of shit show on Television in years. Nothing happens. I've watched five episodes in my lifetime and the same things happen. The main guy gets a job, he loses it, Ari curses, he gets the job back, you see boobs, his posse sits at the pool, roll credits. Really? That's all it takes to make a hit show? I can only hope the next time he's at a sushi restaurant there is a guy in the back with a samurai sword who makes quick work of this punk.

1.) Brett Favre - Was there ever any question that he was going to be number 1? There is a deep burning passion of hatred for this man buried deep in my loins. Partly because he destroyed the Bears for nearly 12 years of my life. And partly because the main is kind of a jerk face, but no one ever reported that. Oh really he took performance enhancing drugs, lets look the other way. Oh really he cheated on his wife, lets look the other way. Oh really he had his own locker room and barely spoke to teammates, lets look the other way. If ass clown was in the dictionary, his picture would be right next to it. Honestly, he was a great player, but his personality and off the field stuff left something to be desired. Reporters always said he was an everyman, and I believed that as long as I thought everyman was an asshole. He has hijacked the emotions of two teams and took them for his own personal joyride. Now there are tons of Brett haters and I love it. I just look at my view of him and am happy I was ahead of the curve.

And there it is, the list of hate. I realize I am a jerk, but I do have my reasons. And I don't know these people, so in an essence, no blood no foul.

In the Year 2009....

Apparently I have retreated to my days of being 18 again. Not that it's really all that exciting, but I have been reading and playing video games non-stop for the better part of a week. My brother returned home for a few days before moving to Chicago for 6 months, and he left his copy of Gears of War 2. To which I reply, "Hells Yes."

The game play isn't that great, but the story is cool and graphics are undeniably solid. And I have yet to play another video game where you take a chainsaw gun and slice an alien from groin to mouth. I wish it was real life, because then those pricks from The Hills wouldn't stand a chance.

It's games like this that make me really happy I splurged nearly $500 for an XBox 360 a few years ago. However, I have not purchased a new game in over a year, which makes me sad on my investment. For the past few months, it has been a very expensive and high-tech DVD player. But I vow to make that all change. I am going to buy more games and probably soon. I'm one of those who treats games much like movies. I hear about them, scout them, read reviews of them, and then buy the good ones. Hopefully the studios will come through on the new Batman game and Bioshock 2.

With the reading part I went to the SP public library and got an official library card. I know that is so 1998. I checked out Shutter Island by Dennis Lehane of Mystic River fame. I'm about half way through and I'm pretty sure I have the twist figured out. For a mystery story it's pretty cool and has a lot of the elements I enjoy reading about. Plus, the movie comes out in a few months and I figure I should have it read by then. I'm trying to improve my speed since I read about as fast as Brando moved through a buffet line.

And I'm pretty pumped for the movie with Leo. Mainly because I want to see DiCaprio with a Boston accent again. "Ovah here, throw tha bawdhy in the fackin' harbah."

Early and Often....

I have been working the early news shift at work this week so I have been a tad sluggish and slow to report. With that said, my trip was amazing. Words truly can't sum up what it's like to go on vacation to a new place and with someone you truly enjoy spending every minute with.

Las Vegas is pretty awesome, but does have its downfall. The two major negatives I had were that it is hot and dirty. The first is no big deal because it is so dry that you don't notice it as much. You have to drink plenty of water just to stay hydrated because you don't even realize that you need it. I really wish they would clean up the city more. It is dirty and has crap all over the place. Nothing like walking and sifting through inches of pamphlets featuring ladies of the night.

But my trip was awesome and I had a great time. all of the hotels are unique in their own way, and definitely a sight in themselves. The Monte Carlo was great and I enjoyed everything about where we stayed. I didn't win anything at the tables, but that didn't matter. I had a great time. I saw the Golden State Warriors, Gus Hansen, and guys from the UW-Whitewater wheelchair basketball team (true story). There really is nowhere else that you can see all these things and take in so much, in so little time.

I take away from this trip two things. I need to take vacations more often, and need to go more places with Kristi. Because this trip was Legendary.

Zach Be Bloggin'....

It's been a week since I last updated, and I leave for my trip tonight, so this was clearly the best time to stop working and update.

Driving up to Minneapolis tonight and then flying out to Las Vegas tomorrow afternoon. Should be an absolute blast and I truly look forward to spending time with Kristi.

Aside from that not a whole lot going on. So it is short and sweet, and I will have a review of my time in Vegas sometime next week.

The World is a Little Quieter Today...

Billy Mays. What can I say, the man was a legend. He could sell you anything, and in fact did sell you everything for the past 30 years of his life. He died tragically and unfortunately leaves his family behind. He has a wife and a little 3 year old kid, and for that I am sad. People made fun of Billy Mays for hawking crappy items and that is their right. But after watching his reality show, this man was as devoted as they come. He loved what he did, and it seemed like he took pure joy out of taking an idea and running with it. So I will remember the great times I had watching Billy Mays' infomercials, and mourn the best his industry has ever seen.

It's weird with all of these deaths lately. The King of Pop has been dethroned and it sucks. I'm not a fan by any means, but I do realize the impact he had on the entertainment industry and people in general. However, that does not make him immune to jokes. Because let's be honest, the guy was certifiable. I never knew the entertaining Michael Jackson. I knew the kid diddler. And for that I am sad.

Farrah Fawcett was beautiful and made a great career out of playing parts that didn't require a whole lot of acting. But to her credit, she was a good actress who just happened to be one of the most naturally beautiful people on the planet. She was on Charlie's Angels for just one year, and that is what everyone remembers her for. I can only hope I can make an impact like that in such a short amount of time.

And Ed McMahon was one of the best the television industry has ever seen, and you will probably never see a side-kick like him again. People are too greedy to share the lime-light, but he never wavered in his support of Johnny Carson. I don't think people quite realize what it takes to be on the air 250 nights a year for 30 years. That is truly amazing and is a feat we will never see duplicated.

All of these people deserve the accolades they are receiving. They were great at what they did and brought joy to millions. Sure they had their rough patches, but who doesn't. I for one will take a moment to remember them, and hope some up and comers can take their places.

A Little Part of Me Died Today...

I have been working out a little more than usual lately, and so far it feels great. I am actually feeling as though I have more stamina and am seeing some sort of results from lifting weights. I try and do my best by lifting, but it has always been hard with my body type. However, I got great advice from Charles and he gave me the inside scoop on his "steroid juice." I don't think I will go that far, but will just stick with good old hard work.

After I worked out I went to a place I have belittled for years, the tanning salon. Scratch that, I'm going to call it the tanning station, because salon sounds like a place I would have to wear a dress to. I am headed to Vegas in three weeks, and in my previous post I lamented about my skin and how it doesn't gain a whole lot of color. So I bit the big one, and bought 50 minutes to tan with. My experience was pretty good, despite having no idea what I was doing.

I signed all the forms and handed over my credit card to the hyper-orange human standing in front of me. I swear to you, this girl was maybe 5 feet, 87 pounds. But her skin looked as though she bathes in Orange Glow (Billy Mays Approved!!!). She asked if I knew what I was doing. I said no and any assistance in the process would be greatly appreciated. It was at that moment that awkwardness joined the conversation. Pure silence from both parties. She smiled, and I smiled, trying to forget about what I just said and how it sounded like I had propositioned her for sexual relations.

She showed me how it works and even turned the radio on for me. I got in and my first thought was that I was doing something I never thought I would do. Everything worked out fine, I cooked for only 5 minutes. She said the usual for a first-timer was 10 minutes. To which I responded that I would not have any skin left if I was in for 10 minutes. All in all it worked out, and I vow never to make fun of people who fake tan ever again. Unless you are orange, in which case you deserve all of the ridicule you get.

Milk was a Bad Choice....

I wish I was smart enough to come up with funny things on my own, but it's been so ball-busting hot the last few days that I gave up. You know what my perfect temperature is? 58 degrees. Why you ask? Because you can wear shorts and a sweatshirt at the same time. Any other temperature is bush league. If I had to pick i would lean toward cold. And anyone who says they love it when it is 95 needs to have their head examined. Last time I checked, you can put as many clothes on as you want when it is cold. When it's hot, you have a finite number of clothes to remove. And let's be honest, walking around naked may feel awesome, but at some point some Buzz Killington is going to ask you to put clothes back on. Especially if that someone is me. If you saw me with out clothes you would be blinded by the brightness of a thousand moons. You would think I shower with handfuls of Mr. Clean.

I finished up high school baseball season with a trip to the state tournament to cover Lakeside Lutheran. It was a long day since I left home at 6:30 AM and got home at 11:30 PM with 6 hours of driving sandwiched in there. With that said, it was a great experience. The worst part was the actual game since Lakeside got Marinoed and lost 13-0. However, the facility up there is first class and all the people couldn't have been nicer. I was in some good company with all the local news guys, most notably Jay Wilson. Wilson is a demi-god in Madison circles because he has been a local sportscaster for nearly 30 years. Got to shake his hand, and all-in-all he was a great guy. I felt like I actually belonged, and it was a good time.

Vegas is just about two weeks away. In two weeks, I'll be driving up to Minneapolis and then flying to Nevada on July 8th. It's going to be a great trip and I can only hope it will live up to my expectations. Sure we won't be staying in a villa or gambling with more than $100, but something tells me we will live it up. God knows you can still kill strippers in Las Vegas without spending a dime.

Lastly, it's time to weigh in on Jon & Kate, or as I call them Kate McBitchypants & Jon Von Doesn'tgiveashit. These two filed for divorce and essentially are leaving their kids in limbo. They have 8 kids and they are the ones who will take the brunt of the pain that comes with a divorce. I feel bad for them. But you ask yourself, what good could come from this situation? I think the best thing would be for all 8 of them to become drugged out hippies who are pregnant/impregnating others and on welfare by the time they're 18. Then maybe douchey parents will learn that when they want to become famous and they do it at their kids' expense, it is the kid that suffers. Honestly, how many parents are going to ruin their children by rushing them into the limelight? So it's time for kids to fight back. If your parents are going to try and mess you up, then you fight fire with fire, and show them how truly effed up you can be.

Zach's Guide to Movies in 2009...

As anyone who truly knows me has found out, I tend to enjoy movies and be a bit of a snob about them. Not to the point where all I watch is indie-Michael Cera smoochy smoochy garbage. But I do tend to look a little further into most movies. That doesn't mean I don't go for entertainment, but I just seem to pay more attention to directing and things of that nature than other people. The summer movie season is kicking into full swing. If you are yet to see The Hangover, I highly suggest you do so. With that said, here is my definitive list of movies I'm jacked up to see this year.

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen - June 24th - I throw out all I said before about looking deeper and delving into hidden themes. There are three reasons to see this movie. Big effing robots, Megan Fox in a tank top, and bigger effing robots. Hopefully Michael Bay will stick to those bullet points, and will have another movie that grosses a berzillion dollars.

Funny People - July 31st - Judd Apatow can usually do no wrong, and I believe this movie will be no different. Adam Sandler hasn't been funny since The Wedding Singer, and this is his first real chance to be funny since then. Sadly the movie does have Jonah Hill and Seth Rogen, which will detract, yet Jason Schwartzman will be awesome as usual. I highly suggest you check out the trailer, since it has more laughs than any Eddie Murphy movie ever did.

Inglorious Basterds - August 21st - Quentin. Enough said. Either way it's a movie he has been working on forever which means it's either awesome or terrible. Word out of Cannes, where it was first screened, is that is a little slow and dialogue heavy. Just the way Zach likes his Tarantino. Some German guy who plays a Nazi took home best actor from Cannes so that must stand for something. Either way, I am seeing this movie based on the director's track record of making bad ass flicks.

Shutter Island - October 2nd - I'll just list the short of it. Two 1950's police detectives investigate a missing person at a mental asylum. Directed by Martin Scorcese, starring Leonardo DiCaprio, adapted from a book written by Dennis LeHane. A trailer for this was released yesterday, and it falls on the spectrum in between awesome and bat-shit crazy. Take it or leave it, but if you aren't excited for this movie than we can no longer be friends.

Couples Retreat - October 9th - Vaughn, Favreau, and Bateman? I'm game. One can only hope it is better than Vince Vaughn's last few outings. I personally think they were not that bad. Fred Clause was much more enjoyable than people think, and Four Christmases was derailed by the bitchy express train known as Reese Witherspoon. So I say, go get em' boys.

Sherlock Holmes - December 25th - Jesusmas brings Robert Downey Jr. in the titular role with Jude Law and Rachel McAdams in support. Guy Ritchie directs, and there is a good chance he has his life-force back after ten years of Madonna sucking it out of his body. Chances are awesomeness and hilarity will ensue.

With that said, those are the movie I am excited to see. In a few days I'll come up with movies you couldn't force me to watch at gunpoint. And no big surprise a Cameron Diaz movie makes the list.

Tuesdays with Zach....

It's Tuesday, and that means I don't have a whole lot to do at work. I am prepping for an awesome drive to Chilton to do a high school baseball playoff game. It's nearly 2 hours away and kind of a pain, but ultimately I love doing games. I seriously think I could sit and announce the 7 year-old girls badminton championships and still have a blast. It is my love of sports, and the thought that announcing games is the coolest job ever. It is a bunch of work to prep, get stats, talk to coaches, and interview players. But to me, it doesn't seem like work, and for that I am happy I have found something I love to do. Even if it is on a super small scale.

One month from now I will be in Las Vegas with Kristi and I couldn't be more excited. It's been a long story and road to get to this point, but we are going and it will be awesome. I've never been there and have a feeling I am in for a treat. Chances are I will be overwhelmed, but it should be a great time.

Two-fold with that thought, I viewed The Hangover this weekend. It was pretty damn awesome. Zach Galifinakis is getting all of the credit, but I think I enjoyed the other two leads better. Ed Helms plays a great straight man and his speech at the end is fantastic. And what can I say about Bradley Cooper. I mean the guy was Sack freaking Lodge. Enough said. I am going to go see it again this weekend, because I missed a bunch the first time around. All in all, probably a nine, and the most fun I've had in a theatre since The Dark Knight on IMAX.

Lastly, people in the news are getting their comeuppance, and I love it. I am not a spiteful, vengeful person but when you see people who deserve to get the shaft finally get it, there is nothing better. Three Examples:

Barry Bonds - His wife of 11 years filed for divorce this week. What took her that long? If he treats her the same way he treats the media, I just assume she lives in a cardboard box behind his mansion. Oh don't you worry he's a loving guy. Between the roid rage and shrunken jewels, he brings her a raw steak and a roofie colada at least once a week.

Heidi Montag(or Pratt or Skankweasel or whatever the hell her name is) - She was taken to a hospital because she was tortured by executives at NBC. Really? Tortured? I know any network will go to lengths to get ratings, but real torture? You know what's torture? Watching your life unfold in the public eye. Your privileged life, your wedding, your shit-show of a music career. That's torture. I would rather spend time in a Vietnamese prison with bamboo shoots under my nails and a car battery hooked to my testicles than watch a full episode of The Hills.

Bret Michaels - A Stage Malfunction broke his nose at the Tony awards on Sunday. My first thought after reading the article was: The Tony's? I thought Bret was too busy banging (attention and legitimate) whores on his Bus of Love. Or as it was originally titled: How Many People Can You Impregnate in a Motor Home? The only way this story gets any better is if he had actually been decapitated on live national television.

The Sufficient, The Awesome, and The Atrocity....

In an attempt to match Jeffery K. Boll step for step in movie viewing, I have a couple of reviews to share.


The Sufficient:

I went and saw Angels and Demons on its first weekend and can say I was pleasantly surprised. The DaVinci Code was prototypical terrible film making. No acting, no story, and slow visuals. The former makes up for those mistakes, but is not nearly a great film. It's not that the material isn't engaging, it's just that the source material is better suited for reading than viewing. I don't mind reading a little history and having a story go along with it. But viewing it is another story.

Hanks is chummy chummy in the role as Robert Langdon. I really like Tom Hanks. I think he is the best actor from my parents' generation, but these movies do not show that skill. the standout for me was clearly the visuals. They never received permission to shoot in Vatican City and their interpretations and CGI look flawless. Visually it is fantastic when you take that into consideration.

Overall 6 out of 10


The Awesome:

I visited Minneapolis this past weekend and went with the gf to see Star Trek. I preface this by saying I have never seen a Star Trek movie before. I had a little background and knew about Shatner and Neemoy and all that jazz. That is where my knowledge ended. And the movie was what it should be, a summer blockbuster that keeps you griped in your seat despite not knowing quite what the hell was happening.

The story was a tad confusing, but it didn't matter because I was in awe and amazed. Damn you J.J. Abrams you have done it again. Despite despising Lost, I have really liked all of your movies. Mission Impossible 3, Cloverfield, and now Star Trek. Visually it was stunning, there were no low points in the plot, and all of the acting choices seemed to be inspired and fit into a tight puzzle. I truly look forward to a sequel with Kirk and Spock joining together to whoop up on aliens. And any chase scene where the music is Sabotage by The Beastie Boys is completely bad ass.

Overall 8 out of 10


The Atrocity:

This one is two-fold. First, terrible movie trailers. I have been to about 4 movies in the past month and for the most part I have seen the same trailers. Which would be awesome, if they looked any good. In stead I am subjected to the terribleness that is G.I. Joe, G-Force, and The Proposal. For those of you keeping score at home, those are movies about a childhood cartoon, ninja-spying hamsters, and something starring Sandra Bullock. Kill me now.

Secondly, Marcus Theaters needs to get your act together. I have a theater 7 minutes from my home and it has always been convenient, but it sucks and I am giving up on going there. I went to an AMC in Minneapolis and I felt so pampered that I thought there would be a guy trying to shine my shoes while I was watching the movie. That's a nice feeling. The only feeling I ever have at Eastgate is that I am going to get stabbed if I go to the bathroom. Seriously guys, lets pick it up a tick, please?

Morality....

This post has been a long time coming and mainly because I have been trying to actually form some thoughts.

This whole Carrie Prejean thing really gets to me. Not because of what she said or didn't say, but because of the way opinions in this country have become. I'm not sure when it happened, but apparently if you are on one side of the fence in an issue, then you hope the opposite side catches the Ebola virus. And to quote Chris Rock, "That ain't right."

She opposes gay marriage. Big deal. So does half of the country. That's what is great about our nation. If that's what you believe, then run with it. I have no problem with her beliefs, I just have a problem with the way they have been presented. More on this later.

I personally do not oppose gay marriage. I believe everyone has equal rights. We live in a country full of ancestry that dates back to any other place on the planet. Immigrants came to this country because they had a dream of a place where they wouldn't be persecuted over any issue. And our country has unfortunately persecuted just about everyone who is deemed "different." Whether you are gypsy, Irish, black, or gay, chances are you have been persecuted. And quite frankly, that's a load of crap. People are people. No more no less. I mean if this wasn't true, don't you think the Bill of Rights would have an asterisk.

Back to Prejean, who is now going on every program imaginable to discuss the plight of the American family because of gays. That's pure horseshit. The plight of the American family has to do with changing times, not homosexuals. It has to do with people being so obsessed with their own greed, that they don't give their family the time of day. That's where the plight comes from, not gays. I still can't believe in 2000 effing 9 we as a people can't accept the fact that some men prefer the company of other men. Or that some women would rather be with other women. It boggles the mind that we are so set in our ways to think this way.

And as for Prejean, she can think any way she wants because that is her right. But to try and bastardize the situation and become a celebrity off of a beauty pageant question is insulting. She will not go away until everyone has heard her message, and that's okay. The only problem is the way she stumbled upon her path. Had she been an advocate before all of this hi jinks is one thing. But what she has done is the complete opposite.

I know I won't change any ones mindset, and I'm fine with that. I'm just bringing out the morality of any situation. When you boil everything down to the meat and potatoes, everyone is the same. Sure, some people don't have money, cars, or Swiss-bank accounts. But everyone has 5 fingers on each hand. Everyone has a heart and brain. And it's time we start using those two, stop complaining about the other side and embrace people for what they are. Other human beings.

The saga continues....

On the company dollar (well the tickets at least) I went to the Cubs/Brewers game Friday night at Miller Park. And after coming back from the game, I have a few thoughts.

1.) I enjoyed my experience for the most part and sat next to a guy my age who was pretty awesome. He was in his Brewers regalia, and I in my Cubs'. And there was no yelling, no cursing, no animosity. We talked baseball, talked life and cracked jokes about both teams. Among the topics: Prince Fielder's weight, Jason Kendall's giant gummer, and Mike Fontenot's dwarfishness. It was truly a great time to sit next a complete stranger, yet drum up a friendship over baseball.

2.) However, the night was not without idiot fans for both sides. Many expletives were thrown and people were booed. And I just can't understand it. I have always been told I take the game too serious when I attend in person. I keep score. I don't drink enough. I don't get loud enough. But you know what, I don't act like an asshole either. So when it comes down to it, I would rather be the quiet, weird guy keeping score enjoying his one $7.50 beer, than the doucheosity yelling and dropping f-bombs in front of 7 year olds and their mothers. I'm old fashioned like that.

3.) Ryan Braun needs to knock it off. I already sound like an old-timer in this post so I might as well finish it off. He hit a home run that won the game on Friday and it was a beast of a hit. I was there and the crowd was absolutely deafening. I later saw replays of his "hot-dogging it" around the bases and was not pleased. Emotion is one thing, dickishness is another. I don't like it when anyone shows up the other team. The NL Central has its culprits in Alfonso Soriano, Carlos Zambrano, Jose Valverde, and Ryan Braun. It needs to stop. It's not crying over spilled milk for me about Braun. He has done this against the Cubs, Cardinals, Pirates, and Astros. I'm sorry, when you show up four of your division opponents on separate occasions, you are going to see a fastball in the ear hole. And I will sit back and say, "I told you so."

4.) The parking situation at Miller Park needs to be figured out and quickly. the game was done at 9:25 and we did not exit the parking area until 10:30. Whoever designed that place should never get a job. Ever again.

5.) I went to the game with my dad and had a great time. We chatted throughout the game and the drive to and fro, and ultimately just enjoyed each others company. My family is not one for sentimental moments, but it definitely would go on the list. He thanked me for taking him, and on that day, I wouldn't have wanted to spend the night with anyone else.

Part Duex....

I was conversing with my girlfriend this weekend, and told her I had many more people and/or things to add to my list. And because I am a spiteful bastard, here they are.

News Media - How has your week been? Swine flu? Remember that thing that was so much worse than the other things and maybe even the worst thing ever? Yeah neither do I. It's time to move on. You could have been informing us about things that actually matter. Instead we had people running around in surgical masks scared to go near a tenderloin. You know who still ate bacon? This guy.

FOX - Last Wednesday, you decided to not show the President's news conference because it would cut into your prime time lineup. Lie to Me? You have got to be kidding me. How arrogant can you be? I have an excerpt from that meeting.

White House Aide: I'm sorry networks, but President Obama would like to address the nation on Wednesday night, and would appreciate if you set aside an hour of your time to do your duty as a news service and inform the public

FOX Executive: Eff that, the people need more Tim Roth and Ryan Seacrest!

In a related post, I would rather let a live porcupine burrow near my testicles than watch an episode of American Idol. True Story.

Alex Rodriguez - A new book has been released that alleges he took steroids in High School. Wow. I guess you aren't going to the Hall of Fame. It must take a lot of energy to put up huge numbers, go to great lengths to prove you are not taking steroids, and then do them any ways. If I had to ballpark it, I would say these allegations are too high. A Mexican national told me last week, that he just injected steroids into his mother's womb in the second trimester.

MTV Movie Awards - I realize you are not a real awards show, but you need to at least try. The movie with the most nominations was Twilight. I know you need to play up to your demographic, but honestly this is a little much. Even people who loved the books thought the movie was bad. Joining in the best movie nominations, none other than High School Musical 3: Senior Year. I think they just throw things at a dart board. If the same panel chose the Academy Awards, White Chicks would have won for best make-up, and Norbit takes down best picture.

Jenny McCarthy - She received her own talk show this week. Wow, I lost my train of thought after writing that sentence. A former Playboy playmate and terrible actress has her own GD talk show? What's next, a janitor goes to work for NASA? And god only knows who her demographic is. Guys won't watch, because, well because it's a talk show and that is boring. And women won't watch because they know all of their men have seen her naked. This show will make Chevy Chase look like a genius.

I step away from the keyboard, and promise to bring something more uplifting next time.

Unoriginality....

I never said I was completely original, which is why I have decided to do something every blogger does at some point or another. I am creating a list of people that need to go away. I'm not harsh enough to say they should die in a house fire, so I will stick with them just going away. Maybe they are abducted by aliens, or eaten by Shamu, or go to jail. Either way, these people need to leave my peripheral before I cause myself bodily harm.

Heidi & Spencer - I don't even need to give a reason as to why these two need to leave. Latest reason, Heidi is in deep negotiations to have her own pictorial in Playboy and would receive $500,000 for the photo shoot. I call shenanigans and I would rather look at pictures of my own ass.

Matthew Stafford - Number 1 pick in the NFL Draft and signed a $78 million contract with the Detroit Lions. $41.7 million is guaranteed, regardless of him ever seeing the field. He could be the best player ever. He could also eat gallons of ice cream and poop his pants. Either way, he has $41.7 million more than you do.

Rachel Ray - I get it, you paved your own way in Hollywood and now have your face on every magazine ever made. Only problem with that, Oprah did everything for you. You latched onto her like she does to chocolate sheet cake, and you would not let go until you had every housewife in this country in a daze. Honorable mention goes to Dr. Phil, Oprah's other parasitic best friend.

Swine Flu - OK, you are not a person, but you need to get out. I feel bad for everyone who has died because of it and become very sick. But, the media coverage on this one is berserk.

Ryan Braun - I get it you are talented, and a great baseball player. However, that does not give you the privilege to gloat after every home run you hit. If you do that against the Cubs, I swear to you, Theodore Roosevelt Lilly will murder you on the field and drink your blood for strength.


I have about 10 other people I could list, instead I will save that for another time. And to reiterate I do not want these people to die. I just never want to see their faces or hear of them ever again.

All Star Cast = Pretty Solid Movie....

I ventured with my parents to an early showing of State of Play this weekend. Laugh if you must at the high amount of lameocity I possess, but I got to see a pretty good film for $5.

The movie was a whodunit much like All the President's Men. I could recite that movie to you after watching it at least 4 times in college. (Throws hands in air, screams MARTINO!!!!!). First scene is some people getting killed, and then a young girl getting thrown in front of a train. She works for a Congressman and once word filters out who she is, all hell breaks loose. The paper gets word of everything and then there is a lot digging, and even more cover ups

The plot was all around good until the last 30 minutes when all the loose ends had to be tied up in front of my face. I don't know about the general public, but I like some wonder in my mysteries. It doesn't need to be shown to me in step-by-step fashion.

Russell Crowe plays the grizzled veteran journalist who always digs a little too deep. Rachel McAdams is the upstart blogger with no real journalistic skill or ambition. Helen Mirren is the prototypical bitchy editor of the paper. Ben Affleck is the upstart Congressman. They were all serviceable. I liked watching McAdams because she is easy on the eyes, and she actually got to act. She was an integral part of nearly every important scene and got to show she is more than just the wife or girlfriend (I'm looking at your career Kate Hudson!).

Other stall warts were Jeff Daniels and Jason Bateman, both in supporting fashion. Daniels is great in nearly everything he does and his versatility is pretty awesome. And Bateman is just Bateman. Something tells me if you are making a movie and you need a snarky, slimy, sleazeball, Jason Bateman's blackberry is the first one you are calling. It's just so effortless and he never disappoints in supporting roles.

I enjoyed the movie because it makes you think and I just enjoy quasi-mystery movies. However, the ending takes a few points of an otherwise outstanding film to watch on a dreary Saturday morning.

7/10 overall

On We March....

It's been awhile since I posted, and unfortunately I still don't have much to talk about.

The highlights:

Easter - Saw both sides of my family and Kristi - Thumbs Up

Job Search - Vigorously searching for and applying for new jobs in Minneapolis - Thumbs Up

Small Trips - Went to Whitewater this weekend; Saw old friends and had a few - Thumbs Up


As I said, it has been pretty boring. However, if rain cancels another Cub game I could be watching on TV, I will puncture my own jugular with a harpoon.

Razz-Ma-Tazz....

I honestly wish I could have lived in the 1980's. I've read enough and seen enough movies about the time period to realize it was a pretty cool time. This feeling was only made deeper with my viewing of Adventureland this past Saturday.

It was an extremely funny movie with a fantastic location. As much as the characters drove the story, the era they lived in and the location they were at were the true shining stars. I wish there were more scenes at the amusement park because it is a great locale for a story.

I enjoyed the casting to the movie. Jesse Eisenberg was fantastic as a recent college grad with no true direction. He plays dorky, awkward, cool, and depressed all at the same time. In an act off I truly believe he would whoop Michael Cera's ass. That's right I went there Superbad lovers. If you want more Eisenberg go rent The Squid and the Whale. It's a bizzare film from a few years ago with Jeff Daniels. Really good stuff.

I have no problem with Kristen Stewart. Sure she plays the same role in every movie, but here it just plain worked. She was full of angst, and liquor, and weed, and depression, and she was a good character.

Bill Hader was fantastic as usual and everyone other member of the cast was pretty good. The music kicked ass, especially in the way it was used. If it was 1987 and you worked at a theme park, chances are you would hear Rock Me Amedeus 12 times a day. It's called subteldty and experience, people. Just because there wern't pictures of penises or people throwing up on each other doesn't mean it wasn't funny. It was hilarious and a movie I will consider picking up on DVD,

9/10 Overall

Opening Day...

This is truly one of my favorite days of the year. Baseball is back and with that six months of sun drenched awesomeness. The Cubs start their quest this evening in Houston. Last time we saw them Big Z threw a no-hitter and Theodore Roosevelt Lilly threw a one hitter. And oh yeah, the Astros got older and less talented. I like the Cubs odds in the first series. I honestly love every series in baseball. If you win 2 of 3 then you make the playoffs easily. This is the mindset I take into the season as a fan and hopefully the Cubs do as well

A lot has changed for the Cubs in a few short months. They said goodbye to Mark DeRosa and Kerry Wood. They were two of the good guys in all of baseball and unfortunately they had to go. I realize I am in the minority, but I like what the Cubs did with getting rid of these guys. They sold high on DeRosa and got 3 prospects in return. I'll take 3 prospects for an aging utility player any day. The loss of Kerry Wood is not as easy to take only because he was a life-long Cub and did great things for the organization. But I stand by the adage that it is always better to get rid of a guy one year early, than one year late.

But enough with the sob story, reasons why I am excited for the season.

1.) Milton Bradley - Every one's favorite psycho is on the north side. Sure he is injury prone and at times bat-shit crazy, but the man can flat out rake. Last season in Texas, the Parker Brothers cousin hit .321 with 22 dingers and 77 rbi's. He also led the AL in On-base percentage at .436. Those numbers are staggering. and you are putting him smack dab in the middle of an offense that was top 3 in nearly every statistical category last year. That left-handed bat is going to be money this year.

2.) Rich Harden - He MIGHT be the best pitcher in all of baseball WHEN healthy. Those are some big ifs, but a full season of Harden will be wonderful. Injuries are always a concern, but I honestly think we will see a season where he takes the ball 25 times goes 12-3 with a 3.50 ERA. And you know what else? The guy is the teams FOURTH starter.

3.) Lou Pinella - In two years he has 182 wins and two division titles. The last time the Cubs made three straight postseasons: 1906,1907,1908. That's right a freaking century ago. Either way Sweet Lou is the man that drives the train.

I have so many other reasons to be excited, but not nearly enough space or time. In short I love Opening Day and hope springs for another season of America's pastime. Is this the year? Could be. I don't know. But what I do know is for 6 months I am distracted from just about everything else in the world. Predictions are for fairies so I don't make any. The only prediction I make is a statement that resonates true. I love baseball, I love Opening Day, and by-God I love the Chicago Cubs.

Oh. My. Goodness.....

I was driving home last night while listening to The Afternoon Saloon on ESPN Radio 1000 out of Chicago. I listen everyday because I still love Chicago sports, and they guys are entertaining and knowledgeable. Then the news hit. The Bears had acquired Jay Cutler. What? I thought it was a day-late attempt at an April Fool's joke. Really? Cutler? As in played in the Pro Bowl, better arm than Sex Cannon, pouty, baby Cutler? And it was true.

My immediate reaction was tepid at best. You give up a lot to get a guy who could be a big time player. He has had issues with management and you never like to see that. And they gave up a lot to get him. Two first round picks, a third rounder, and a serviceable quarterback.

Then I looked at the upside. The Bears are terrible drafters in the first round. They find solid guys in the later rounds, but the last good starter they found in the first round was Tommie Harris and that was five years ago. So I'm convinced they would have screwed the pooch with those picks anyways. You lose Captain Neckbeard, which pains me only because he is a fantastic character. A blue-collar guy who goes to work, sports fantastic facial hair, and then gets drunk to the point that any self-loathing woman would sleep with him. Sounds kind of like the Uncle everyone had who your parents wouldn't let be in the room alone with you when you were 7.

But I digress. The worst that can happen is Cutler busts, is gone in three years, and the Bears start over. But for just once the Bears have gone out and thrown caution to the winds. They have said just getting by with a game manager is not enough. All they need now is some more line depth (both sides) and a wide receiver.

And I look forward to Week 1 when Devin Hester catches a 65-yard bomb over the shoulder in stride as he streaks into the end zone in Lambeau.

Suck on that Packers....

Thoughts on Religion...

Wow, I scare myself with a title like that. But I truly have been thinking about religion lately. I think a lot of that has to do with reading Angels & Demons again. I recognize the book as a work of fiction and I believe that is why it raises so many questions. And why I think all people who consider themselves "religious radicals" regardless of their sects or beliefs are ridiculous. Lots of R's there, but it is true.

Example number 1 - The crusades - People actually moved into a different area of the world, took it from those who lived there, and made people convert to their belief system. And if those people didn't like it, their wives and daughters were raped, and then they got a spear in the head. Sounds exactly like what Jesus, or Muhammad had in mind doesn't it. A little rape and murder.

Example number 2 - Censorship from the Pope - Back in the day, the Pope thought people were so unstable that if they even viewed a penis or a vagina, they would become promiscuous. So in a truly visionary program, the Pope had the genitals cut off of statues and covered by plastic fig leaves. How messed up is that? You know what I don't get freaked out by? Seeing a penis. You know what I do get freaked out by? Seeing a chopped off penis.

Example number 3 - Mine is better than Yours - In a few words, no it isn't. Just because you have a different belief system doesn't make you better, it makes you different. It's been said many times by people much smarter than me, that most religion is the same and just changed over time and place. I think that is true and if people just got over themselves and accepted others, things would be much better off.

I digress a bit, but I think I make some valid points. Everything I have ever learned about religion is about forgiveness, acceptance, and community. Well none of that is happening when gay people are persecuted, or Muslims are stereotyped, or rape victims are shunned for receiving abortions.

How do we fix our culture? I'm not sure. However, I think the Native Americans were on to something with worshiping the land. We are a part of it, and it is a part of us. Nothing more and nothing less. If we all were to follow that law this world would be a better place. And I think, in the end, that is all anyone wants.

Most Wonderful Time of the Year...

Yeah, I'm a guy so sue me. This is the most wonderful time of the year for one reason only: so many sports converge into a 3 week time period.

Tonight the sweet 16 gets kicked off and I am jacked up. I am second to last in my office pool, yet still have all of my elite eight hopefuls alive and well. I still like all of my selections to win another game, and then from there it is an utter crap shoot.

Spring Training is winding down and America's pastime is starting to creep into my mind. Another season is close to dawning and that brings hopes and desires for the Cubs. I will have a full National League preview in a couple of days, along with full predictions.

And the Masters is a few weeks away. It is one of my favorite events and, in my opinion, is under covered every year. Added to my excitement is the opportunity to watch it on my new HD-TV. Golf looks spectacular in HD and is the best looking event I have watched so far.

In other news I have started to look for new jobs, and am prepping for the impending move. My final date of work will be June 5th and then a few days of packing later I will be in Minnesota. I am excited and apprehensive, stoked and anxious. It will all work out for the best and I look forward to a much needed change of pace.

Crushing, Male Edition....

I was stricken with the stomach flu this weekend, but that didn't stop me from doing two important things. I watched as many basketball games as possible and I went and saw I Love You, Man. The games were fantastic and the movie was even better.

Everyone knows my love for Paul Rudd and he finally got his own movie where he was the top-billed star. He was hilarious and brought his brand of quirky humor. It's what we saw in Clueless, The 40-year old Virgin, and Friends. Hell, he's the only reason I watched that god-forsaken television program. He plays awkward to a t, so much so that you actually feel bad for him and your stomach turns every time he opens his mouth.

His chemistry with Jason Segel is amazing. They seem like two dudes you would just want to hang out with. The like ability factor for the pair is out of this world. They meet, they break-up, they reunite and through it all they make us laugh. I was a big fan of the James Bond posing sequence as well as the billboard montage.

However, I do have some criticisms. The secondary cast was not used well. They were there for the cheap laughs, and I just wished there was more of them. J.K. Simmons, Jane Curtain, Andy Samberg, Jaime Pressley, and Jon Favreau were underutilized and could have made the movie much better. I also wished the story was a little stronger. At times it seemed like they were just stringing together ad-lib scene after ad-lib scene.

None the less the movie was extremely enjoyable. Not surprisingly, my blog has turned into a movie review center.

Overall:
7 out of 10

One Shining Moment.....

Somewhere Luther Vandross is smiling. We are t-minus 20 hours to when the ball is tipped and the NCAA tournament begins. Like every year, hope springs eternal when you are in the dance. And that means its bracket time. I really like this year for me. Do I think my picks are good? Maybe. But my mind is clear because I have no outstanding biases as in years past. There is no team I despise (I'm talking about your Gators Billy Donovan), and no team I'm for (usually the Illini). Sure Bruce Weber's boys are in the tourney, but in my eyes they are playing with house money. One win and I will be very happy.

So with a clear mind I give you Zach's Picks -

Midwest - Louisville - I know they are the overall #1 seed but Terrance Williams is a monster and their press is terrifying. If they don't wear themselves out they are scary as hell. I also have Wake Forest, Michigan St., and West Virginia in the sweet sixteen. I'm a sucker for the Mountaineers. You've been PITTSNOGLED!

West - UConn - I don't like Jim Calhoun or his players, but their defense is fantastic. Only injuries can hold them back in this bracket. I also have Washington, Utah St., and Memphis in the sweet 16. Utah St. is my dark horse this year because someone has to do it. they match up very well with Marquette, and I am not sold on Missouri. Take it down Aggies.

South - North Carolina - I don't like Tyler Hansborough and I HATE Roy Williams, but the talent is too much. They will be tested by Butler, but I see them walking to the Final Four. I also have Gonzaga, Syracuse, and Oklahoma. I am not high on the Orange, but match ups say they make it to the second weekend.

East - Duke - Call me what you want, I don't care. Duke is the best team in this bracket so suck on that Jamie Dixon. Pitt may have more talent, but the Blue Devils are coming together. I also think they have the toughest draw out of everyone. I have them beating Binghamton, Texas, Villanova, and Pitt to get to Detroit. And they will do it. I also have a Sweet 16 of Pittsburgh, Florida St., and Villanova. Watch out for the Wildcats, if they beat Duke I think they go to Detroit.

Final Four - Louisville vs. UConn & Duke vs. North Carolina

Louisville wins because their pressure is too good and UConn will go cold. I don't trust the Huskies when they have more talent. They play down to opponents and it will bite them here.

Duke and UNC National Semifinal - ARE YOU SERIOUS?!?!?!? The law of three is in effect as Duke takes down the Heels. It is extremely difficult to beat a team three times in one season and the shooting of Jon Scheyer and Gerald Henderson is too much. UNC has a shot if Ty Lawson plays well, but he tends to disappear. So do UNC's title chances.

Title Game - Louisville vs. Duke

Can you tell I love pressure defense? Duke is finally too worn down to fight back. They hang around for a half and then Louisville goes for the jugular. Playing in the Big East has its advantages, and Rick Pitino takes home his second National Championship.

I love the tournament and will be highlighting and number crunching all weekend long. I wish everyone else good luck and, god willing, this tournament will be the best we have ever seen.

Fed Up.....

You know what grinds my gears, Family Guy. I have been a devoted fan since 1999. Well my Family Guy fandom has ended. It was a good ten year run. But, where do they get off. Last nights episode was so bad I turned it off before the first commercial break. I know many people who quit on this show long ago. I stuck it out, I was a true fan. And then they repay me with terrible plots, shoddy animation, and oh yeah, no jokes. I'm sick and tired of bad jokes. Cutting away to two and a half minutes of live action concert footage is ridiculous.

Seasons 1 through 4 were very good and then the downhill slide began. All I can say is that I stuck it out, but no more Family Guy producers. You were given a second chance and this is how you repay your fans? LAZY. So much potential wasted. And then you gauge prices for your DVD releases? Screw-me sideways why don't you.

So you have lost a fan. South Park was right, and I should have listened to them 3 years ago.

Oh yeah, tourney starts on Thursday. Full disclosure of my bracket that morning. What you thought I would actually try to work when I'm in the office those days? Spare me.