Billy Mays. What can I say, the man was a legend. He could sell you anything, and in fact did sell you everything for the past 30 years of his life. He died tragically and unfortunately leaves his family behind. He has a wife and a little 3 year old kid, and for that I am sad. People made fun of Billy Mays for hawking crappy items and that is their right. But after watching his reality show, this man was as devoted as they come. He loved what he did, and it seemed like he took pure joy out of taking an idea and running with it. So I will remember the great times I had watching Billy Mays' infomercials, and mourn the best his industry has ever seen.
It's weird with all of these deaths lately. The King of Pop has been dethroned and it sucks. I'm not a fan by any means, but I do realize the impact he had on the entertainment industry and people in general. However, that does not make him immune to jokes. Because let's be honest, the guy was certifiable. I never knew the entertaining Michael Jackson. I knew the kid diddler. And for that I am sad.
Farrah Fawcett was beautiful and made a great career out of playing parts that didn't require a whole lot of acting. But to her credit, she was a good actress who just happened to be one of the most naturally beautiful people on the planet. She was on Charlie's Angels for just one year, and that is what everyone remembers her for. I can only hope I can make an impact like that in such a short amount of time.
And Ed McMahon was one of the best the television industry has ever seen, and you will probably never see a side-kick like him again. People are too greedy to share the lime-light, but he never wavered in his support of Johnny Carson. I don't think people quite realize what it takes to be on the air 250 nights a year for 30 years. That is truly amazing and is a feat we will never see duplicated.
All of these people deserve the accolades they are receiving. They were great at what they did and brought joy to millions. Sure they had their rough patches, but who doesn't. I for one will take a moment to remember them, and hope some up and comers can take their places.
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Thursday, June 25, 2009
A Little Part of Me Died Today...
I have been working out a little more than usual lately, and so far it feels great. I am actually feeling as though I have more stamina and am seeing some sort of results from lifting weights. I try and do my best by lifting, but it has always been hard with my body type. However, I got great advice from Charles and he gave me the inside scoop on his "steroid juice." I don't think I will go that far, but will just stick with good old hard work.
After I worked out I went to a place I have belittled for years, the tanning salon. Scratch that, I'm going to call it the tanning station, because salon sounds like a place I would have to wear a dress to. I am headed to Vegas in three weeks, and in my previous post I lamented about my skin and how it doesn't gain a whole lot of color. So I bit the big one, and bought 50 minutes to tan with. My experience was pretty good, despite having no idea what I was doing.
I signed all the forms and handed over my credit card to the hyper-orange human standing in front of me. I swear to you, this girl was maybe 5 feet, 87 pounds. But her skin looked as though she bathes in Orange Glow (Billy Mays Approved!!!). She asked if I knew what I was doing. I said no and any assistance in the process would be greatly appreciated. It was at that moment that awkwardness joined the conversation. Pure silence from both parties. She smiled, and I smiled, trying to forget about what I just said and how it sounded like I had propositioned her for sexual relations.
She showed me how it works and even turned the radio on for me. I got in and my first thought was that I was doing something I never thought I would do. Everything worked out fine, I cooked for only 5 minutes. She said the usual for a first-timer was 10 minutes. To which I responded that I would not have any skin left if I was in for 10 minutes. All in all it worked out, and I vow never to make fun of people who fake tan ever again. Unless you are orange, in which case you deserve all of the ridicule you get.
After I worked out I went to a place I have belittled for years, the tanning salon. Scratch that, I'm going to call it the tanning station, because salon sounds like a place I would have to wear a dress to. I am headed to Vegas in three weeks, and in my previous post I lamented about my skin and how it doesn't gain a whole lot of color. So I bit the big one, and bought 50 minutes to tan with. My experience was pretty good, despite having no idea what I was doing.
I signed all the forms and handed over my credit card to the hyper-orange human standing in front of me. I swear to you, this girl was maybe 5 feet, 87 pounds. But her skin looked as though she bathes in Orange Glow (Billy Mays Approved!!!). She asked if I knew what I was doing. I said no and any assistance in the process would be greatly appreciated. It was at that moment that awkwardness joined the conversation. Pure silence from both parties. She smiled, and I smiled, trying to forget about what I just said and how it sounded like I had propositioned her for sexual relations.
She showed me how it works and even turned the radio on for me. I got in and my first thought was that I was doing something I never thought I would do. Everything worked out fine, I cooked for only 5 minutes. She said the usual for a first-timer was 10 minutes. To which I responded that I would not have any skin left if I was in for 10 minutes. All in all it worked out, and I vow never to make fun of people who fake tan ever again. Unless you are orange, in which case you deserve all of the ridicule you get.
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Milk was a Bad Choice....
I wish I was smart enough to come up with funny things on my own, but it's been so ball-busting hot the last few days that I gave up. You know what my perfect temperature is? 58 degrees. Why you ask? Because you can wear shorts and a sweatshirt at the same time. Any other temperature is bush league. If I had to pick i would lean toward cold. And anyone who says they love it when it is 95 needs to have their head examined. Last time I checked, you can put as many clothes on as you want when it is cold. When it's hot, you have a finite number of clothes to remove. And let's be honest, walking around naked may feel awesome, but at some point some Buzz Killington is going to ask you to put clothes back on. Especially if that someone is me. If you saw me with out clothes you would be blinded by the brightness of a thousand moons. You would think I shower with handfuls of Mr. Clean.
I finished up high school baseball season with a trip to the state tournament to cover Lakeside Lutheran. It was a long day since I left home at 6:30 AM and got home at 11:30 PM with 6 hours of driving sandwiched in there. With that said, it was a great experience. The worst part was the actual game since Lakeside got Marinoed and lost 13-0. However, the facility up there is first class and all the people couldn't have been nicer. I was in some good company with all the local news guys, most notably Jay Wilson. Wilson is a demi-god in Madison circles because he has been a local sportscaster for nearly 30 years. Got to shake his hand, and all-in-all he was a great guy. I felt like I actually belonged, and it was a good time.
Vegas is just about two weeks away. In two weeks, I'll be driving up to Minneapolis and then flying to Nevada on July 8th. It's going to be a great trip and I can only hope it will live up to my expectations. Sure we won't be staying in a villa or gambling with more than $100, but something tells me we will live it up. God knows you can still kill strippers in Las Vegas without spending a dime.
Lastly, it's time to weigh in on Jon & Kate, or as I call them Kate McBitchypants & Jon Von Doesn'tgiveashit. These two filed for divorce and essentially are leaving their kids in limbo. They have 8 kids and they are the ones who will take the brunt of the pain that comes with a divorce. I feel bad for them. But you ask yourself, what good could come from this situation? I think the best thing would be for all 8 of them to become drugged out hippies who are pregnant/impregnating others and on welfare by the time they're 18. Then maybe douchey parents will learn that when they want to become famous and they do it at their kids' expense, it is the kid that suffers. Honestly, how many parents are going to ruin their children by rushing them into the limelight? So it's time for kids to fight back. If your parents are going to try and mess you up, then you fight fire with fire, and show them how truly effed up you can be.
I finished up high school baseball season with a trip to the state tournament to cover Lakeside Lutheran. It was a long day since I left home at 6:30 AM and got home at 11:30 PM with 6 hours of driving sandwiched in there. With that said, it was a great experience. The worst part was the actual game since Lakeside got Marinoed and lost 13-0. However, the facility up there is first class and all the people couldn't have been nicer. I was in some good company with all the local news guys, most notably Jay Wilson. Wilson is a demi-god in Madison circles because he has been a local sportscaster for nearly 30 years. Got to shake his hand, and all-in-all he was a great guy. I felt like I actually belonged, and it was a good time.
Vegas is just about two weeks away. In two weeks, I'll be driving up to Minneapolis and then flying to Nevada on July 8th. It's going to be a great trip and I can only hope it will live up to my expectations. Sure we won't be staying in a villa or gambling with more than $100, but something tells me we will live it up. God knows you can still kill strippers in Las Vegas without spending a dime.
Lastly, it's time to weigh in on Jon & Kate, or as I call them Kate McBitchypants & Jon Von Doesn'tgiveashit. These two filed for divorce and essentially are leaving their kids in limbo. They have 8 kids and they are the ones who will take the brunt of the pain that comes with a divorce. I feel bad for them. But you ask yourself, what good could come from this situation? I think the best thing would be for all 8 of them to become drugged out hippies who are pregnant/impregnating others and on welfare by the time they're 18. Then maybe douchey parents will learn that when they want to become famous and they do it at their kids' expense, it is the kid that suffers. Honestly, how many parents are going to ruin their children by rushing them into the limelight? So it's time for kids to fight back. If your parents are going to try and mess you up, then you fight fire with fire, and show them how truly effed up you can be.
Friday, June 12, 2009
Zach's Guide to Movies in 2009...
As anyone who truly knows me has found out, I tend to enjoy movies and be a bit of a snob about them. Not to the point where all I watch is indie-Michael Cera smoochy smoochy garbage. But I do tend to look a little further into most movies. That doesn't mean I don't go for entertainment, but I just seem to pay more attention to directing and things of that nature than other people. The summer movie season is kicking into full swing. If you are yet to see The Hangover, I highly suggest you do so. With that said, here is my definitive list of movies I'm jacked up to see this year.
Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen - June 24th - I throw out all I said before about looking deeper and delving into hidden themes. There are three reasons to see this movie. Big effing robots, Megan Fox in a tank top, and bigger effing robots. Hopefully Michael Bay will stick to those bullet points, and will have another movie that grosses a berzillion dollars.
Funny People - July 31st - Judd Apatow can usually do no wrong, and I believe this movie will be no different. Adam Sandler hasn't been funny since The Wedding Singer, and this is his first real chance to be funny since then. Sadly the movie does have Jonah Hill and Seth Rogen, which will detract, yet Jason Schwartzman will be awesome as usual. I highly suggest you check out the trailer, since it has more laughs than any Eddie Murphy movie ever did.
Inglorious Basterds - August 21st - Quentin. Enough said. Either way it's a movie he has been working on forever which means it's either awesome or terrible. Word out of Cannes, where it was first screened, is that is a little slow and dialogue heavy. Just the way Zach likes his Tarantino. Some German guy who plays a Nazi took home best actor from Cannes so that must stand for something. Either way, I am seeing this movie based on the director's track record of making bad ass flicks.
Shutter Island - October 2nd - I'll just list the short of it. Two 1950's police detectives investigate a missing person at a mental asylum. Directed by Martin Scorcese, starring Leonardo DiCaprio, adapted from a book written by Dennis LeHane. A trailer for this was released yesterday, and it falls on the spectrum in between awesome and bat-shit crazy. Take it or leave it, but if you aren't excited for this movie than we can no longer be friends.
Couples Retreat - October 9th - Vaughn, Favreau, and Bateman? I'm game. One can only hope it is better than Vince Vaughn's last few outings. I personally think they were not that bad. Fred Clause was much more enjoyable than people think, and Four Christmases was derailed by the bitchy express train known as Reese Witherspoon. So I say, go get em' boys.
Sherlock Holmes - December 25th - Jesusmas brings Robert Downey Jr. in the titular role with Jude Law and Rachel McAdams in support. Guy Ritchie directs, and there is a good chance he has his life-force back after ten years of Madonna sucking it out of his body. Chances are awesomeness and hilarity will ensue.
With that said, those are the movie I am excited to see. In a few days I'll come up with movies you couldn't force me to watch at gunpoint. And no big surprise a Cameron Diaz movie makes the list.
Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen - June 24th - I throw out all I said before about looking deeper and delving into hidden themes. There are three reasons to see this movie. Big effing robots, Megan Fox in a tank top, and bigger effing robots. Hopefully Michael Bay will stick to those bullet points, and will have another movie that grosses a berzillion dollars.
Funny People - July 31st - Judd Apatow can usually do no wrong, and I believe this movie will be no different. Adam Sandler hasn't been funny since The Wedding Singer, and this is his first real chance to be funny since then. Sadly the movie does have Jonah Hill and Seth Rogen, which will detract, yet Jason Schwartzman will be awesome as usual. I highly suggest you check out the trailer, since it has more laughs than any Eddie Murphy movie ever did.
Inglorious Basterds - August 21st - Quentin. Enough said. Either way it's a movie he has been working on forever which means it's either awesome or terrible. Word out of Cannes, where it was first screened, is that is a little slow and dialogue heavy. Just the way Zach likes his Tarantino. Some German guy who plays a Nazi took home best actor from Cannes so that must stand for something. Either way, I am seeing this movie based on the director's track record of making bad ass flicks.
Shutter Island - October 2nd - I'll just list the short of it. Two 1950's police detectives investigate a missing person at a mental asylum. Directed by Martin Scorcese, starring Leonardo DiCaprio, adapted from a book written by Dennis LeHane. A trailer for this was released yesterday, and it falls on the spectrum in between awesome and bat-shit crazy. Take it or leave it, but if you aren't excited for this movie than we can no longer be friends.
Couples Retreat - October 9th - Vaughn, Favreau, and Bateman? I'm game. One can only hope it is better than Vince Vaughn's last few outings. I personally think they were not that bad. Fred Clause was much more enjoyable than people think, and Four Christmases was derailed by the bitchy express train known as Reese Witherspoon. So I say, go get em' boys.
Sherlock Holmes - December 25th - Jesusmas brings Robert Downey Jr. in the titular role with Jude Law and Rachel McAdams in support. Guy Ritchie directs, and there is a good chance he has his life-force back after ten years of Madonna sucking it out of his body. Chances are awesomeness and hilarity will ensue.
With that said, those are the movie I am excited to see. In a few days I'll come up with movies you couldn't force me to watch at gunpoint. And no big surprise a Cameron Diaz movie makes the list.
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
Tuesdays with Zach....
It's Tuesday, and that means I don't have a whole lot to do at work. I am prepping for an awesome drive to Chilton to do a high school baseball playoff game. It's nearly 2 hours away and kind of a pain, but ultimately I love doing games. I seriously think I could sit and announce the 7 year-old girls badminton championships and still have a blast. It is my love of sports, and the thought that announcing games is the coolest job ever. It is a bunch of work to prep, get stats, talk to coaches, and interview players. But to me, it doesn't seem like work, and for that I am happy I have found something I love to do. Even if it is on a super small scale.
One month from now I will be in Las Vegas with Kristi and I couldn't be more excited. It's been a long story and road to get to this point, but we are going and it will be awesome. I've never been there and have a feeling I am in for a treat. Chances are I will be overwhelmed, but it should be a great time.
Two-fold with that thought, I viewed The Hangover this weekend. It was pretty damn awesome. Zach Galifinakis is getting all of the credit, but I think I enjoyed the other two leads better. Ed Helms plays a great straight man and his speech at the end is fantastic. And what can I say about Bradley Cooper. I mean the guy was Sack freaking Lodge. Enough said. I am going to go see it again this weekend, because I missed a bunch the first time around. All in all, probably a nine, and the most fun I've had in a theatre since The Dark Knight on IMAX.
Lastly, people in the news are getting their comeuppance, and I love it. I am not a spiteful, vengeful person but when you see people who deserve to get the shaft finally get it, there is nothing better. Three Examples:
Barry Bonds - His wife of 11 years filed for divorce this week. What took her that long? If he treats her the same way he treats the media, I just assume she lives in a cardboard box behind his mansion. Oh don't you worry he's a loving guy. Between the roid rage and shrunken jewels, he brings her a raw steak and a roofie colada at least once a week.
Heidi Montag(or Pratt or Skankweasel or whatever the hell her name is) - She was taken to a hospital because she was tortured by executives at NBC. Really? Tortured? I know any network will go to lengths to get ratings, but real torture? You know what's torture? Watching your life unfold in the public eye. Your privileged life, your wedding, your shit-show of a music career. That's torture. I would rather spend time in a Vietnamese prison with bamboo shoots under my nails and a car battery hooked to my testicles than watch a full episode of The Hills.
Bret Michaels - A Stage Malfunction broke his nose at the Tony awards on Sunday. My first thought after reading the article was: The Tony's? I thought Bret was too busy banging (attention and legitimate) whores on his Bus of Love. Or as it was originally titled: How Many People Can You Impregnate in a Motor Home? The only way this story gets any better is if he had actually been decapitated on live national television.
One month from now I will be in Las Vegas with Kristi and I couldn't be more excited. It's been a long story and road to get to this point, but we are going and it will be awesome. I've never been there and have a feeling I am in for a treat. Chances are I will be overwhelmed, but it should be a great time.
Two-fold with that thought, I viewed The Hangover this weekend. It was pretty damn awesome. Zach Galifinakis is getting all of the credit, but I think I enjoyed the other two leads better. Ed Helms plays a great straight man and his speech at the end is fantastic. And what can I say about Bradley Cooper. I mean the guy was Sack freaking Lodge. Enough said. I am going to go see it again this weekend, because I missed a bunch the first time around. All in all, probably a nine, and the most fun I've had in a theatre since The Dark Knight on IMAX.
Lastly, people in the news are getting their comeuppance, and I love it. I am not a spiteful, vengeful person but when you see people who deserve to get the shaft finally get it, there is nothing better. Three Examples:
Barry Bonds - His wife of 11 years filed for divorce this week. What took her that long? If he treats her the same way he treats the media, I just assume she lives in a cardboard box behind his mansion. Oh don't you worry he's a loving guy. Between the roid rage and shrunken jewels, he brings her a raw steak and a roofie colada at least once a week.
Heidi Montag(or Pratt or Skankweasel or whatever the hell her name is) - She was taken to a hospital because she was tortured by executives at NBC. Really? Tortured? I know any network will go to lengths to get ratings, but real torture? You know what's torture? Watching your life unfold in the public eye. Your privileged life, your wedding, your shit-show of a music career. That's torture. I would rather spend time in a Vietnamese prison with bamboo shoots under my nails and a car battery hooked to my testicles than watch a full episode of The Hills.
Bret Michaels - A Stage Malfunction broke his nose at the Tony awards on Sunday. My first thought after reading the article was: The Tony's? I thought Bret was too busy banging (attention and legitimate) whores on his Bus of Love. Or as it was originally titled: How Many People Can You Impregnate in a Motor Home? The only way this story gets any better is if he had actually been decapitated on live national television.
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