It has been just a wild week when it comes to stories in the news. First and foremost (before I get to making any jokes) I send my thoughts to the people in Haiti. Much like the tsunami 5 years ago, it doesn't affect me, but the scope of the tragedy is huge. No official numbers yet but up to 100,000 feared dead. In terms I can understand, that is the West side of Madison. Damn. And to begin with jokes, who the eff is Pat Robertson and where does he get off. He said that Haiti got what was coming to them because they made a deal with the devil to gain their independence from France. He talks as if the devil is an actual guy who sits on a throne, strokes his tiny beard, and sharts out habenero peppers. It must be the answer because it clearly has nothing to do with the country being located on a FAULT in the earth's crust. So that means in 30 years when California rips off, the staunchly corpse of Robertson will claim it is comeuppance for all those Tyler Perry movies. Actually that could be true, those movies induce pain on a level only a guy who has been gored by a bull can truly understand.
Mark McGwire finally admitted to steroid use. Wow. Most shocking story to come out since Clay Aiken admitted he was gay. Thanks Mark. And you still won't admit that steroids helped you hit home runs. People who use steroids to get better from injury usually stop after said injury is healed. You kept going which means that you had enough horse steroids in your frame to kill livestock (or your pudgy son). The worst part about the whole thing is that he broke Roger Maris' record against the Cubs and I forever will have that image blazed in my mind. Kudos to Bob Costas for a good interview considering the hand he was dealt. Costas is the best in the baseball biz and it must have taken all his concentration not to pull down McGwire's pants, look in the camera, and say "Kids, this is what steroids do to you." Because down there, McGwire probably looks like the Asian dude from The Hangover by now.
NBC late night has been in the news a bunch, and anyone who knows me knows where I stand on the issue. Comedy is subjective and anyone can find anything funny. But Jay Leno is about as funny as full-blown AIDS. He has hijacked the network and now says he will quit too because what they are doing is unfair to Conan. How gracious of you, you goat chinned bastard. Conan has done everything possible in 16 years to gain an audience and bring younger viewers to NBC. He has done it well, and now in the brightest of lights it is not going great. But 7 months is not a great litmus test. Give him another year and if NBC really feels the same, then find a replacement. It is that simple. There I could run a television network.
Sadly, Michael C. Hall of Six Feet Under, Dexter, and Zach's dreams fame, has been diagnosed with cancer. He has Hodgkin's lymphoma which is the "good" kind and is in remission. I was very sad when I heard this news. But all seems well and then I got to thinking. Most cancer jokes are not in good taste, but how come bad people never get cancer? It is always the cool people. Hitler could have used a big dose of cancer, but no Patrick Swayze gets it. Come on God, that ain't right. Well Hall is going to whoop cancers ass and is going to show up to the Golden Globes on Sunday night. I will be watching and on Saturday I am hoping to blog my choices for the main categories. That is of course, if I am not still in shock from Paranormal Activity.
Until next time....
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